So Confused…


Job 1:8
“And the Lord said to Satan, ‘Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil.'”

In all honesty, I question if I want to be that “different.” Where is the fun in being perfect? I know that is a horrible thought, but could Job go bridge-jumping with a clear conscience? Would he even be able to play sports “just for the fun of it” or to win? I don’t know. More and more, the “good Christian life” seems to be represented by the ascetic scholar–which to me seems nothing short of absolute drudgery. Maybe  I don’t really love God like I claim to… In short, I’m just not sure how to live my life and love God at the same time. I like to have fun, play hard, and even attempt some crazy stunts, but I’m not seeing any room for “fun” in Scripture. There are no instances of Paul, David, or even 8 year old King Josiah going and stacking unused picnic tables into a harmless pyramid for fun, or even of taking days to just “enjoy life” by biking, hiking, or swimming. Is fun even “allowed”? Oh Lord! Have I been lost to the pleasures of this world?! Have I been trusting you with my heart and denying you by my enjoyment of the present life? Your Word tells me that it is impossible to love both you and the world–and, oh, I am torn! I know the “right answer,” I know that you are the choice which I must make, but the day to day living out of it…seems only misery to me.

Proverbs 14:12
“There is a way that seems good to a man, but its end is the way to death.”

Oh God, is that me?! Is this crazy, fun-loving personality leading me straight into the clutches of death? Oh Lord, I don’t know! But I do…I just don’t like it. Give me the grace, the strength, the wisdom to make the right choice to live for you alone.

5 Comments Add yours

  1. Friend says:

    Would you call a life of drudgery “abundant”? (John 10:10)
    Have you looked at all the times in the Bible God says to “enjoy” things? (1 Timothy 3:17 is one.)
    Why does Jesus tell us we have to be like little children? Are they always serious and never fun-loving? (Matthew 18:3)

    I’m 99.9% sure that your post and your thought pattern here are extreme. Rather than a legalistic view of the specific things you are doing, why not test your own heart with each action and weigh if it is bringing you closer to God or hardening your heart toward Him?

    And honestly, some things I believe don’t matter. So go play your sports and stack your picnic tables with a clear conscience. You can choose God without dooming yourself to a boring existence.

  2. abigailsnyder says:

    Thanks…you’re right about my thought pattern being pretty extreme. I guess its just what was running through my head this morning…probably as a result of, never mind, I won’t blame anyone or anything. Simply put, I was believing a lot of truth, which twisted, is error. Yet, at the same time, a balance seems difficult to find, as I don’t see that jumping off of bridges necessarily brings me closer or farther from God. So I guess I’m just praying that God would give wisdom and clear direction. Thank you.

  3. Friend says:

    And if it doesn’t bring you closer or farther away.. then do it for His glory? 🙂 I think if your heart is right God is fine with bridge jumping.

  4. DES says:

    Maybe you need to reread the section in Good to Great on Enjoying Great Moments. Several notes that stood out for me…joy matters to God in part because it : reminds us of God’s goodness, sustains us in adversity, honors God as the source of joy, Connects out hearts with those we love, and renews us. I think it is that ditch on both sides of the road – if all you ever spend your time on or think about is fun – then you probably need to readjust. It seems you are balanced to me – if the spirit is telling you different, than be obedient. Just don’t be foolish in your fun, please!

  5. abigailsnyder says:

    Thanks Mom. I might take you up on that advice (about the book)…as for not being foolish, well, I’ll try. 😉

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