Many times, I put off writing a blog post until I find some gleam of hope or sense victory. After all, who wants to read about defeat, or worse yet, a quitter? With blessing after blessing being poured into my life, I found writing this post even harder than normal. The Lord continues to flood me with good gifts, yet I am quitting. As a side note, when I first wrote this post, I had not yet heard of Meredith’s diagnosis. In comparison, my current “battles” are minor, insignificant, and irrelevant–to the extent that I nearly abandoned posting this altogether. Please, please, please if you pray for anything, pray for Meredith.
Around Thanksgiving of last year, I slowly decreased my workout regimen. I went from lifting weights and daily volleyball conditioning to a few push-ups and pull-ups a week. The change wreaked havoc on my body. In less than a month, I gained twenty pounds. I went from being somewhat “in shape” to being drastically out of shape and overweight. I have never been thin; my body has always been well-padded with fat. This, however, is extreme. I am disgusted with my added weight and how my clothes fit now. Even in this, I have found grace. If I had gained this weight in October, I would have plunged into depression. At the time, I was already struggling with my identity, and this would have tipped the scales. God graciously allowed me to handle the weight gain with at least borderline common sense instead of reacting emotionally as I once might have.
One would think I would just start dieting or working out again and the problem would be solved. Unfortunately, the problem is much deeper than that. It is an issue of self-discipline. For over a year, I worked out consistently, even running a sprint triathlon in May. Last August, I started working harder than ever, with a goal of dropping ten to fifteen pounds and increasing my jump and strength specifically for volleyball. As a part of that, I started attempting to eat healthier. As usual, an overwhelming lack of self-discipline brought defeat and discouragement. I see two major issues with this: (1) the Lord commands us to treat our bodies as His temples, and (2) a lack of self-discipline in what I eat physically only feeds a lack of self-discipline in what I feed myself spiritually.
I will admit right now, that I don’t have the answers. Of course, I know how to eat healthy and workout consistently. What I don’t know is how to develop self-discipline (spiritually and physically). I also don’t know how I will lose the twenty pounds that I gained in two weeks. Admittedly, the “busy-ness” of life pushes aside my need to eat right and exercise. Every time that the weather calls me to get outside and run, I find myself bogged down with work, school, or just plain tiredness. If I allow these excuses for exercising, what kind of excuses am I allowing spiritually?
This post may seem incomplete, because it is. There is no real conclusion to this story…its just where I’m at right now.