I hate the feeling of being behind! Embedded deep within me is a desire to fulfill everyone’s expectations, and even to exceed them. When I do not get things done on time, or do them half-way, it is frustrating to me. This week has been a whirlwind of unorganized chaos! The exciting and grand news is that I got a full-time teaching job for the remainder of the school year! Thus, I expected to be playing “catch-up” once I start teaching next Monday. I did not anticipate the insanity of this week. Monday and Tuesday I painted at a funeral home in Bluffton all day, then completed Liberty University Online Writing Center tutoring requests and worked on Training for Triumph typesetting around Campus Life and volleyball league in the evening. Entering edits for Training for Triumph is typically a fairly simple job, but this week has seemed as if a tornado blew through each document, causing Quark to crash repeatedly, documents to corrupt, and my attention span to crumble into minute particles. Wednesday, I substitute taught at Northside high school, led middle school small group at Pathway, completed more tutoring requests, fixed dinner, graded papers for the class I start teaching on Monday (that the teacher who is leaving did not have time to finish), and worked on the Quark documents some more. Even though I had managed to get almost as many hours in on Quark as any other week, the document I had hoped to finish by Tuesday was only half-finished when I stopped for the night. I felt like I was letting Donna down by not finishing this document as quickly as I had finished others. I felt like I was letting my small group girls down because I left as soon as we finished in order to get grading done. I felt like I was letting Dad and the boys down because I didn’t make dinner the first two nights, and last night’s dinner came from a box. I felt like I was letting myself done because I haven’t made time to exercise and keep my body in shape. There just isn’t enough time in the day (or night) to accomplish everything, which means I need to make priorities. By time I made it to bed last night, it was already morning. Not what I was planning. I leave tonight around midnight for a weekend in Pennsylvania at a Interface class reunion, and was hoping to get some sleep to hold me through the drive.
Amongst the excessive busy-ness of this week, I have been amazed at God’s grace. I have enjoyed some beautiful times of prayer, scattered throughout my day. I am reminded continually of Philippians 4:7:
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
It is only when life defies our attempts at organization, our vain grasping at rest, and the physical limits of our body that we truly understand peace. Peace is not the absence of trouble. It is the quiet confidence in a sovereign God in the middle of the virtual hurricane blowing through our day.
(Sorry for the rambling at the top…I think I’m still a little tired.) =D