Its a Good Day…

I just want to hide in a corner and cry. No matter how hard I try to suppress them, the tears keep welling up behind my eyes. I feel like a failure. A disappointment.

Even though I arrived at school early, even though I read the minutes and had everything prepared, even though I left five minutes ahead of time, I still walked into the morning staff meeting a few minutes late. It only evidences disrespect for the time and wisdom of my colleagues—the colleagues that I have only admiration and respect for. And I have no excuse.

Even though I work to prepare and learn and communicate effectively, I still misrepresent expectations. I still dig myself and my team into a hole with the tech department. There is no excuse.

Next week, I am supposed to present to the other English teachers at our weekly collaboration meeting. I am terrified. Why me? I have only taught for less than a year. I barely passed my English classes my final semester of college. I’m not even a full-time teacher. And I can’t even make it through today without crying over my notes during lunch.

I cannot stop giving. I refuse to withdraw or fail to invest. I will not let my bad day interfere in the classroom.

I say all the time that I love my job. I’m not lying. I work at an incredible school with fantastic co-workers and awesome students. I enjoy what I do and revel in the opportunity to teach youth how to discover and learn and process in this crazy world.

Some days, I just hit rock bottom. I’m tired. I’m failing miserably. I’m retreating back to the place where I should have started—my ever-present refuge from the storms. The three little words I learned in preschool: Jesus Loves Me. The miracle is that it’s true even on days like today. So I pick up my head, I put a smile on my face, and I press on despite the roadblocks. God has given me breath—this will be a good day.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. wordsoflife says:

    Indeed…

    Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

    Temporary today is a good day, because that eternal weight of glory still lies ahead of us.

    * Hug*
    ~ Jody

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